I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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