just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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