Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
