I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
