ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
