I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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