Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
