Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
