Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
