Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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