just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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