i don't like sucking hair
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
