And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
