Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
These tits shall not be calmed
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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