i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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