I understand Curling. That high.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
