Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
