My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
