I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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