isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
