I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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