I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
