When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
