No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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