you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
