can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
