i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
