at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
