Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
