i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
