If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
