she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
