I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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