My hair reeks of homosexuality.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
