you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
