Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just fell off a train. Bad.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You ruined the universe
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
