i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
