Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
