He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
