I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
