Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
