Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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