I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
