You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
