my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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