Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
