bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
