My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
