apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
