oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
