Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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