Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
