I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
