i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
