I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
