Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
